Recipe For Sour Hearts
by Dai Otenba
Summary: Zoro, Sanji, Luffy and Usopp are unemployed, out of college, living in a stuffy one bedroom apartment, and have no real direction to go in life. So of course the most obvious plan of action is to open up a cafe. Right? AU future ZoSan


Title: Recipe for Sour Hearts  
Author: Dai Otenba  
Disclaimer: One Piece and its characters belong to Oda Eiichiro, not me. But like any crazy fangirl, I wish they were.  
Pairing: none as of yet  
Rating: G  
Summary: Zoro, Sanji, Luffy and Usopp are unemployed, out of college and have no real direction to go in life. They've managed to scrounge up enough money to rent a one bedroom apartment and now have to find a way to keep it. So of course the most obvious plan of action is to open up a cafe. Right?  
Author Notes: I love cafes. I love waiters. I love One Piece. Add it all together and you get the biggest fanservice-related nosebleed you've ever had.

Or is that just me?

Zoro and Sanji are 23, while Usopp and Luffy are 21.

* * *

Muffled curses and laughter made their way into the middle-aged woman's ears. Soon shuffling and footsteps could be heard as well, along with a soft thump. She sighed deeply. "They're at it again."

Her husband merely grinned kindly, not even bothering to take his eyes off of the newspaper he had been easily reading, even with the distant but obvious sounds of chaos in the background. He had learned to block out the sounds after merely a week or so. Unfortunately his wife hadn't achieved the same tolerance, though she had managed to stop barging towards the room their new young neighbors had rented right next to their own about a month ago to make failed attempts in ceasing the scuffles and play fights that seemed to happen every morning and evening.

"Well, it_ is _eight o'clock on a Sunday. If we're lucky things will settle down before eleven." A hearty laugh resulted from the tired, exasperated sigh his wife released at the information. "There, there Iris. They're young adults after all. This is to be expected when you have a rambunctious group like them living next door to you."

"Yes I know but I didn't think it would be this bad!" Iris hissed out to her husband, annoyed at how easily he was managing with the situation yet it still managed to drive her up the wall. She cringed as the sound of what she assumed was glass breaking, as well as a very loud annoyed curse followed with overly amused laughter made its way through the only barrier between themselves and what she assumed was nothing but a living hell. She looked at her husband pleadingly only to be met with a very uninteresting headline on the newspaper that was placed between them. Groaning loudly, she huffed and stomped towards the front door. She had made it to the closet and was about to pull out a coat when a knocking of the front door echoed throughout the tiny apartment room. Without thinking, she pulled the front door open and was met with a very handsome and very apologetic-looking blond.

"Ah, Mrs. Hannah. How are you doing this evening? I hope I'm not disturbing you."

All the frustration and anger the woman had been feeling just seconds ago suddenly vanished into thin air, replaced by a peculiar sense of embarrassment and giddiness coursing through her. "N-no not at all. And I'm fine thank you."

"That's wonderful to hear. Oh, I certainly hope you're not thinking of going out right now. I hear there's going to be a large temperature drop tonight and I'd hate to see you having to be out in those conditions. That healthy glow in your facial features is very stunning by the way. Is it from the facial kit your daughter sent to you last week?"

Iris found her face reddening a bit more than it probably should, absent-mindedly bringing a hand up to cup the side of her face. The tiniest hint of a smile spread across her face. "Yes, I suppose it is. I didn't really see any results from it after I started to use it a few days ago but I guess it's starting to kick in."

"Hm, yes, it's working very well. Oh, before I forget, I brought along some more treats for you and your husband to share. I made apple tarts for dessert but it seems I ended up making too many (translation: this is Luffy's punishment for breaking another plate and simply laughing it off) so I thought you'd both appreciate a taste."

Luis smiled amusedly from behind his newspaper while he watched from the corner of his eye as his wife was once again dragged into submission by their neighbor's refined and mature good looks and charm, as well as his sinfully delectable desserts. The main reason he was even allowing the young man to speak to his own wife in such a way was because he knew that soon they'd be finishing off another busy week with a taste of heaven. Plus, he got a kick out of seeing his 43-year-old spouse react to the empty fawning of their 23-year old neighbor as if she were a high school girl again.

"Thank you very much Sanji. Luis and I always appreciate your kindness."

"Not at all ma'am. It's a pleasure to see a smile such as yours as often as I can. I feel rather privileged. I can imagine how your husband must feel being able to see it every day."

Luis held back a snort of laughter. This boy was either an idiot or a genius. Perhaps both.

"Well, I'm afraid I'll have to be going now. I left my moronic roommates on dishwashing duty and I just know if I'm gone a second longer we'll probably be eating out of paper plates and plastic cups tomorrow. Do have a good night." And with a courteous nod of his head and a quick smile, Sanji was gone. Iris managed to maneuver herself away from the front door and into the living room in a few hazy steps, cradling the container of sliced up apple tarts in her arms as if it were a child.

"Happened again, eh?" Luis said, grinning at the blank and half-dazed look on his wife's features, folding his newspaper and standing up to stretch, setting the paper atop his seat.

"I don't know how he does it, but it works every time." The older woman managed to quickly snap herself into awareness when she noticed a hand reaching towards the container of tarts. She quickly jerked away and slapped the hand, ignoring the confused and displeased look on her husband's face. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"...I'm going to eat tarts?"

"Correction: You _were_ going to eat tarts. You either sit your butt down and finish your paper or go eat the bread we bought yesterday." Huffing once more and turning towards the kitchen to grab herself a plate and a glass of milk, her husband watched her retreating back with forlorn eyes. "Wh-what?"

"You heard me." Smiling, she bit delicately into one of the tarts, giving off a low moan of approval, mostly out of exaggeration just to see the look of utter bewilderment and disappointment from her husband. "I've been through a lot. This is more of a treat for me than it is a treat for you."

"But he said 'for you and your husband to share'!"

"You must have been hearing things. You're getting old you know. Your hearing isn't what it used to."

Her husband muttered under his breath. "Neither is your face. Why do you think Sasha gave you that facial kit?"

He would have rejoiced more over actually getting to eat one of the tarts if it hadn't have been thrown at his face first.

--

"So, how'd it go?" Usopp asked from his spot on the bean bag chair in the living room.

Sanji toed off his slippers and pulled out his packet of cigarettes from his back pocket after he had re-entered the apartment. "Hook, line and sinker. Since it was a bigger batch this time, I'm thinking I got us at least an extra two months."

"We really need to figure out how to pay off our rent with actual money instead of food." Zoro said as he finished drying off his hands with a towel.

Sanji walked towards him and scowled, stopping right in front of him to blow a cloud of cigarette smoke in Zoro's face, ignoring the coughing fit and death glare he received as he merely walked around him. "No, what we need to do is get all the meals scheduled and written down ahead of time so we're not tearing this whole place apart just because we can't decide on whether we want pasta or spaghetti for dinner." Sanji toed at Luffy's leg, his body still slumped over the dining table, bemoaning the loss of his tarts. "Sanji, you're so mean."

"Shut up idiot and deal with it. You eat too much anyways."

"But Zoro was the one who distracted me and made me break the plate."

"Why the hell are you blaming me?!"

"Don't worry, it's a team effort. I'm making him wake up early tomorrow to help me with the job search."

Zoro grumbled, Luffy still whined, and Usopp merely laughed.

"Oh, and Usopp, you're coming too."

"But I already have a job!"

Sanji glared. "And none of us do. Which is why you're going too."

Usopp slunk down into his bean bag. "I don't think I want to be a part of this team anymore."


End file.
